Broken
by Asher36
Summary: this is the sequel to a new life. you have to read new life to understand what's going on in this one. i don't know the storyline because i free write. please read review and enjoy :) not sure how to rate it so it's T just in case


It's nearly been a month since what I have now dubbed as the "Incident". None of us talk about it, it's an unspoken rule. Renji and Rukia had officially been put in as the Soul Reapers in charge of Karakura town, although I knew they were here to keep an eye on me for "security reasons". Nobody was happy about that either. But it couldn't be helped. We couldn't argue with Soul Society's decisions. And the past couple weeks my emotions got the best of me and I had a few public outbursts that everyone knew about. I had more but those ones were the ones when I was by myself and never spoke a word about them. But more recently, I've started having nightmares that are about what happened in the Incident, but they kept changing. And I had a hard time sleeping. And I started having flashbacks at random times and I will find myself curled up in a ball. It happened once at school but I managed to keep it down to crumpling up a piece of paper and glaring down at my desk. I tried not to let Ichigo see I was suffering from this, and I kept him from seeing for the most part.

One night I was lying in bed, panting and shaking from my most recent nightmare. I just stared at the ceiling, no desire to go back to sleep. I would just sleep at lunch. Somehow I got away with it and not worry Ichigo, but I guess he just thought it was normal. I took in a shaky breath and then sat up, looking out the window. It was still dark outside, so I woke up at a ridiculous time. Again. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. This had to stop. I couldn't get away with sleeping at lunch much longer. I fell asleep during class a couple of times and Ichigo was starting to worry. I sat up and moved over to the window, staring outside. I looked up at the stars and the full moon, and my mind flashed back to the utter darkness to Hueco Mundo and I stumbled backwards away from the window, very nearly falling. I put a hand over my mouth and stood there until my heart stopped pounding, then I crawled back into bed. I acted like I was sleeping for the next few hours, and then before I knew it the alarm went off and I rolled over and shut it off, climbing out of bed and making it quickly. I then checked the date, and then realized it was Saturday. I sighed heavily and paced to the closet, changing into some jeans and a long sleeve shirt. It was winter and it was getting cold. It hasn't snowed yet, but I was sure it would soon.

Since it was only 6 I knew Ichigo wouldn't be up for several hours, so I donned a thick jacket, boots, and quietly went downstairs and out the door. I always went for morning walks on Saturday at this time. Only once did Ichigo wake up before I got back and called me. I was given a phone so anybody could get a hold of me if they needed to, in case for some reason I took off. Not like I would. But apparently, I had a fit and I did, though I didn't remember doing that.

I started towards the park, keeping an eye out for anything that could go wrong. There was nothing.

"Can't sleep?" There was a voice behind me and I jumped.

I whirled around. It was Rukia in her gigai which explained why I couldn't sense her. But I thought she knew better than to scare me. That has sent me into a fit and then I wouldn't come out of my room for several hours.

"Rukia." I huffed. "You scared me."

"Oh. Sorry." She frowned and approached me. "Where are you going?"

"Just to the park." I shrugged, and turned and started walking again. "It's totally harmless."

"Did you tell anybody?"

"Nobody's awake, so no." I sighed. "And if anyone notices I'm not there, they'll call."

She seemed frustrated. "You could have left a note."

"It's not a big deal. I'm fine. I do this every Saturday." Oops. She didn't know about that.

"Every Saturday? You go out alone?" She growled.

"Yeah, but I only ever go to the local park." I hissed. "It's not a big deal."

"That can still be dangerous." She sounded upset. "Does Ichigo know?"

"He knows about one time. He doesn't know I do it every Saturday because I always come back before he wakes up."

Rukia lapsed into silence and I glanced at her, then stopped walking. She looked at me confusedly.

"Are you going to tell him?" I asked.

"If you don't, I will." She said. "We don't want to have a repeat. Disappearing without telling anyone can give us reason to think you've disappeared."

"That's why I have a cell phone." I hissed at her.

"But what if one day you don't answer? Or if the battery is dead?" She scowled.

I stared at my feet. I never really thought about that. But I charged my phone every night and always left the ringer on, except for at school. But what if one day I did forget to do that? I turned around to head back to the house. Rukia was right, this was a stupid idea. I kept my face carefully blank as I walked back, wondering why Rukia didn't say anything else. But it didn't matter.

I stopped outside the house when we reached it and turned to face her. "So are you going to tell him?"  
She blinked. "If you don't."

"I'll tell him. In time. Because if I tell him about that then I have to explain other things. Please don't tell him." I begged.

She missed my slip up. Good. "I won't." She sighed.

I exhaled in relief. "Thank you."

I went back inside and hurried upstairs quietly and into my room, switched on my lamp and sat at my desk and started drawing. It was the same thing I always drew, but threw away so Ichigo wouldn't see them. After I tore them to tiny pieces so it wouldn't get pulled out of the trash can. I sketched out a rough sketch of Ulquiorra, then next to him, one of myself that I saw inside my head, Yoso showed it to me. I sketched the hole in my chest so it looked like the drawing itself had a legitimate hole in it. Once I finished, and it took an hour because I spent so much effort on the details. And then, noting the time, I went ahead and just tore it up and threw it away.

I just sat at the desk and stared at the wall for several hours, thinking about nothing, until I noticed it was already 9:30. I knew breakfast would be ready soon. I stood up, stretched because I was stiff from sitting in that one spot forever. I rubbed my face and prepared to fake a smile. Eventually Ichigo would start asking questions, but I had to fake it for his family at least. I had a sinking feeling that I couldn't fool him for much longer. I shook myself out, and then was about ready to walk out of the room, then my door opened and a somewhat real smile appeared on my face. It was Ichigo.

He had obviously just woken up. His hair was a mess, and he was still in his pajamas and he really didn't look very awake.

"Breakfast is ready." He said tiredly.

"Okay." I said nothing else as he left the room.

I waited for a few minutes and then headed downstairs. Ichigo was always a grump in the mornings, so I typically tried to avoid him if I could. He did have his rare mornings where he was actually relatively happier, but Saturday mornings were always the same and it was somewhat amusing to me. I just shook my head at the thought and sat down next to him at the breakfast table. And he was scowling at his dad, who apparently already ate and was getting ready to go somewhere. Ichigo's sisters were eating silently, and Ichigo continued scowling at his dad. I started eating slowly, focusing more on my plate than on Ichigo. As long as I did that, I could collect myself and shove my emotions deep into the very pits of myself.

After I finished I stood up to put my plate in the sink but Ichigo took it and went into the kitchen with his plate as well without a word. I watched him come back out and go upstairs without a word to me. That was weird. That was definitely not like him. I frowned at his weird behavior, then shrugged, putting it off on his exhaustion. Whatever. I got up, thanked Yuzu for breakfast, and went upstairs and waited for Ichigo in his room while he was in the shower. I just sat on the edge of his bed, I wanted to know what had him in such a sour mood this morning.

I only had to wait for a few minutes and luckily he had gotten dressed right after he had showered. He threw his towel into the corner of the room and shut the door.

"Hey." He said, his face blank. What was going on with him this morning?

"Hey. You feeling alright?" I asked him as he sat on the bed next to me.

"Didn't sleep well. First night in a while I had a rough night like last night." He sighed and yawned. "But it's all well now, so I shouldn't be letting it bother me."

There was something he wasn't telling me but I wasn't going to pressure him into telling me, since I was keeping so much from him. He sighed and stood up, looking a bit agitated now.

"I need to go talk to Urahara. It's a private thing. Um." He bit his lip and looked at me. "I'll have my phone if you need me…"

I got to my feet. "It's fine, just go. I was just going to go for a walk anyways."

"Where to?" I could see his protectiveness starting to surface.

"Just to the park. And I always have my phone on." I could tell he still wasn't consoled.

"I'll walk you over there." He said and I knew there was no arguing with him. "Are you going to stay there all day?"

"Just until you get done talking to Urahara. I need to get out of the house." I felt like my chest was starting to constrict. I knew I would have a panic attack if I didn't get out of the house.

"Alright." He sighed.

"I just need my coat." I got up and left the room.

I grabbed my coat, trying not to fall apart at Ichigo's strange behavior. Whatever he had to talk to Urahara about is probably what he was keeping from me. I sighed and pulled my coat on and zipped it up, took a deep breath and walked out of the room, going straight downstairs and out the door, waiting for Ichigo out front. I was getting impatient, I just wanted to get to the park and away from everything for a while. Ichigo finally came downstairs and we walked out, I had my arms crossed. We rarely held hands anymore when we went out. I didn't understand why, but I didn't bother to ask. I didn't want to know the answer.

After we reached the park we stood there in silence for a few moments. Ichigo looked like he wanted to say something, but thought the better of it and walked away with his hands in his pockets. I watched him, then wandered over to the swings and just sat there silently.

I really wished I knew what was going on with Ichigo.


End file.
